Hello, It's 2026!

 

Hai, it’s 2026 now.

Wkwk last time I’m here was 2022.

Wow 4 yearsss.

4 years not updating my life here and there are sooooo muchhhhh things happened that old me wouldn’t believe it wkwk. Hey 2026 Dian still exist, we are survived from “give up tomorrow, holdin’ on today” till we make it in 2026. Dian who was sat on the hospital waiting chair would be proud with disbelieve wkwk. Dian who was cried and hysterical screamed everyday, Dian who almost cut off her vena would be feel amazed with this sudden life changes.

What happened to me till this day proves that Allah SWT truly exist with Allah’s best plan and I’m just a little human dust who know nothing about life, the universe and everything. Life is sooo dynamic. In every step of my life, I never ever everrrrr imagine even dreaming about being who I’m now. You know right now I’m a public servant in a law field. Sound so crazy for my science blood. On everything. Still remember how I fought with my friend back then on the university mosque about “why every parents want their children to become a public servant? Like there are tons of jobs out thereee. You don’t have to be a public servant to be success just like the society stereotype” and also remember how I was crazy on investigation kdrama with their complex conflict and I said “I wouldn’t ever be in the law field. Be anything because it would be sooo hardd and frustrating”. Maybe I should wish to not become super rich? Wkwk.

Everything that happened to me is opposite with my will. Well, that’s life, people change or because of chance? Because actually my principle still the same but yeah life not always goes as we want right? On my frustration and no job era, I will have grabed every chance in front of my eyes including that one. Actually I have no idea what I did, I just want to get a job quickly and this fucked country only gave me that hope which we can compete fairly without any background privilege even tho I knew there are some people who use their power but I still have a chance even just 0,0001% and I would be the part of that 0,0001% and want to prove it my self that CPNS thing is not a scam and really for everyone. I must sacrifice my piece of diploma, honestly overthinked so much about it back then. But it’s the best chance for me back then soo I took it and repeat it in my head that I’m not sacrifice anything because what I got in my college era bigger than a piece of paper and two letters behind my name and I will bring it in me forever. Just prove it on my office era so yeah education is matter, so much important to build mindset and character. Back to the story of my CPNS journey, after I strengthen my will I finally study really really hard because I must to give 100% if I choose to do it. The journey reallyyyyy not as smooth as other’s thoughts, it’s hard and exhausting. The test was soooo long than the others, brain, mentality, physique, almost naked. I did everything with hard work, tears and do’a. Flown from one place to other places. My determination grew bigger as long as the harder the tests like I already this far and I don’t want to be failed. And finally I make it, being 1130 of 2027  from 140.000++ competitors from every education background and I knew some of them have master degree, bloody war. 06^th January 2024 should marked as a history.

Sooo here I’m living my current life as a life I used to dream about, not about the job because it’s too unpredictable but about how I enjoy life today. The food I always want to eat when I was child, I could taste everything now and realize it’s not expensive actually maybe it’s just not our priority back then. The books I alwaysss want to read, I can buy dozens of books anytime and no one would judge me to spend money on it finally I can read book as much as I want. Waking up every morning, working, going home at afternoon –overtime sometimes, going some walk (jogging) if I’m in the mood, going to coffe shop after work, doing some hobbies, the slow living I always want to be. How ungrateful I’m with all the complains that pour of my mouth everyday wkwk –complaint to gov not include because it’s a daily basis.

Ah, another important update. I finally found a right therapist. Yeah, after this long time we always still need it right? There are still a lot of things we need to repair. I can not live with thought that everything is okay now, that monster still in me. Too afraid if it would be coming out someday so I decided we need to face it now. Already scheduled to do a therapy but I need to prepare my self because it would not be easy and I’m not ready yet actually so need some times to encourage my self. But we will, I will. I need to get better for the next step of my life if I would. Like I will not going anywhere or found anyone if I still here, I need to love my self first and moving forward.

Last word just want to say to keep walking, keep breathing, keep looking for light even tho it’s seems hopeless because we don’t know what waiting us in the future and what Allah SWT’s plan for us. Grab every chance because we don’t know which will bring happiness to us. Keep believing on Allah SWT.