This is just a little story that fully my head lately. Maybe this is a little private but I can not let my head explode already. So yeahh, just let me talking to myself in this way.
“oh berarti jadi guru yah?”
“wah hebat ya bentar lagi jadi guru dong”
“ohh guru berarti”
“wahh..ibu guru”
Some sentence that I would receive when I mention where my parents throw away their money for me. I always thinking about some butterfly in my belly when I’m talkin’ ‘bout my course, when I was in High School. But right now, everytime I received something like above it’s just like a really really dark cloud with light comes on me and cover my whole body. I really didn’t like that kind of feeling.
I was reading something like this when I was in High School and I really didn’t get it that I would tell some people that I’m through the same. It’s hard to make a decision and I’m really bad at that. One of my bestie telling me that she really afraid of her future and when heard that I’m just like “oh cmon just let it be, don’t be worry ‘cause everything has written. We’re gonna be okay. Everything will be alright, just be calm” and then here I’m, feelin’ the same. I don’t want to have hard time thinking about it but I did. Just like in common, I know the theory and really bad in action.
Sometimes I hate my course, I hate my collage-life, I hate myself. I’m really full of hate that’s why I’m depressed. Some people wouldn’t believe it, yeah my life just too perfect for the others. I’m tellin’ you that I have perfect family, I’m not coming from poor family, some people tell me that my family has a pretty face, I’m not short maybe just skinny and I’m okay with that, let me tell you it’s just my gene, I didn’t have a fat-gene that’s why no matter how hard I’m tryin’ I still skinny and Idc about it, some people tell me that I’m good at school, I’m a good child, I didn’t tryin’ some drugs, I didn’t drink alcohol, I don’t like to going to bar, I’m polite, I studied in popular collage, I’m perfect. My life is perfect. That’s why I’m not okay.
Maybe it’s too too too too late to talking about dream, to talking about goals. I’m sorry my self!
I’m already 21 and still don’t know what I want to do. Still don’t know my goals. I know as muslim, my purpose in this life is to prayer to my Allah. Beside that, all of people has their own goals to more understand life meaning. Ok, let’s just be beauty and then looking for rich man, marry with him, happy ever after and the end. It’s simple but unfortunately it’s not what I want. Yeah I will marry a rich man maybe when I’m 25-28 when I can feed myself with my own money, when I can do what I like and finally found what Happy it is. I want to enjoy my self and loving my self bc before I love a man, I really want to love my self first.
So why you here if you don’t like it? Bc I just let them go and here I’m studied for something that I really don’t like, how to be teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say that teacher is a bad job, on the other hand teacher is a really really really hard job and have a really really really big role esp for childrens, that’s what I get on my studied. I don’t think everyone can be teacher as they want. Sadly, nowadays so many people want to be teacher because they don’t know what they want, what they want-to-be. For example, it’s me and it’s totally wrong, really wrong. To be teacher not means just transfer-knowledge to students but it’s has more big role, a teacher must educate students. I know all of us will be teacher someday, for our own son and daughter but for some people that choice a teacher to be their job is really something. Since in primary school, I always amazed with teacher, how hard their work, how hard they dedicate their life for another people’s child. And for people that make a teacher just ‘pelarian’, we really didn’t deserve this job.
Being teacher is really hard and just for people that love its job will did a good things. We need teacher who will educate students not because their salary is high but because they love to do it. Oh sudah mulai lost-in-words. Sorry gaess ini tadi gak niat versi inggris tapi malah sok-sokan. Jadi menjadi guru itu bukan Sesuatu yang bisa dijadikan pelarian, tugas seorang guru bukan hanya transfer-ilmu yang hanya ceramah di depan murid dan kewajiban tatap muka di kelas. Memang, tugas utama untuk mendidik anak-anak adalah orang tuanya tetapi ketika sudah memasuki sekolah formal, peran guru juga akan sangat besar bukan hanya untuk pengetahuan anak tersebut tetapi juga dari segi attitude. Oh yah saya juga suka kesel yahh kalau ada orang tua suka marah-marah ke guru karena mungkin anaknya ditegasin karena attitudenya buruk. Like helloowww bukibuk, orang tua adalah madrasah utama bagi seorang anak. Sekolah formal menerima anak yang sudah anda didik, yang sudah memiliki watak dasar yang anda bentuk. Jadi perihal kelakuan anak-anak juga tergantung bagaimana orang tua mendidiknya. Seorang guru memang bertugas mendidik so just let them doing something that they think is right for a better life for your child. Makanya atuh kalau belum bisa mendidik dengan benar, gak usah ngebet banget punya anak. Kalau belum sanggup menjadi madrasah yang utama, santai aja lah kalau ditanya soal nikah hadehh.
Plz yah let’s be honest we really hate when we can not understand anything from a teacher. Terkadang sudah semangat belajar and then gurunya kayak gak jelas gitu menjelaskan, tidak terlalu bisa mentransfer ilmunya atau another weird thing. Everyone must be had one. Don’t be like that! Alih-alih mendidik siswa malah merusak semangatnya. Alhasil siswanya jadi malas belajar tohh gak jelas juga. Suka sedih kan kalau dapat guru yang seperti itu jadi tolong jangan jadi seperti itu juga. Karena seriously, pekerjaan apapun kalau kita tidak senang menjalaninya pun akan terasa berat dan the result sudah pasti akan buruk.
That’s why I really want to do something that I like but what is it? Siapa yang akan menemukannya jika bukan diriku sendiri?? Entahlah everytime I make a list, still being teacher is not the option. Never. I just will list reading, writing, drawing, design, listening and watching a movie in my ‘like’ list and for ‘dislike’ list I will fill with interaction with many people. Saya tetap menyukainya berbagi ilmu saya pada orang lain, tapi menjadikannya sebuah pekerjaan…entahlah. I don’t know. Mungkin banyak yang mikir yaudah lakuin aja apa yang kamu suka, toh kamu sudah tahu apa yang kamu suka. Yeah semoga yahh saya bisa mendapatkan goals saya yaitu “hobi yang dibayar”.
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Anyway saya sangat kagum pada orang-orang yang memperjuangkan mimpinya mati-matian. Gagal kemudian bangkit lagi, ohh I really want it but yeah I’m just a looser that will gave up on my goals because I was fail and I really can not avoid my parents and my big family straight life, a perfect life even if it just to delay my study for a years. No it’s not their fault ofc, it’s just me for being a looser. I really want Lucas’s confident and self-love so badly.
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- Btw gaes this is just 'Mark' English so Grammar is not important. Just say what's on your mind, he said. Haha.
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